recovery is reality when I'm dreaming

 leaving for iraq they cried to get me back

so i survived every bullet and ied attack

war is a dark,dirty and despondent

dead inside and depressed wishing we never went

hope is seen as a light beyond the dark tunnel

lost in life but I make my agony artful

everyday I wake up is dreadful

all i know is pain so my pistol looks peaceful

war wounds are emotionally bleeding

no reason for survival outside suffering

haunted by those men turned victims still screaming

recovery is reality only when I'm dreaming

never forgive myself

 mind foggy heart hurtin save yourself

kept losing my mind til nothin was left

left me laying worthless and destitute 

then thrown to the side like a prostitute

they told me time heals wounds, hows that true?

they never had to feel anything I go through

they ain't seen war and they never lost you

so what are they comparing wounds to?

in my mind i've done some bad things 

sometimes spill over to real scenes 

haunted by memories and bad dreams

never forgive myself still hear her screams

Syringe Or Survival

combat to crazy,

Result of how war and love made me,

Lost and lonely hurting for happy 

Survivors guilt, self destruct til all I have is agony 

Music stops, 

outta my hand the Syringe slowly slips 

Last thought spent thinking, 

My life was meant for more than this