Dreams, Angels, and Dust (Committed Iniquity II)

I've been forgotten by friends caused by their own truancy
I remained faithful yet they lacerated love and lacked loyalty
Beginning of time God created heaven, earth and my heartache
created as a casualty of compassion, my pain is no mistake

outside under refrigerant rain, old memories warmed me inside of dreams
needle hits skin like paper and pen, truth exposed a scandal, we die as fiends
loss teaches trust, recurrent absence of integrity too hard to adjust
broken and beaten, stumbling for hope, lost all faith found hanging from a rope

dead man walking blind, bordering the lines of realism and psychosis
atrocious violence from forced stab wounds followed by my forgiveness
we alone determine mistakes made soluble from tears cried for payment
my heart turns cold and I go hungry from formal friends failed commitment

homicidal thoughts to eliminate the problem with a single knife thrust
but I can't predict the future, no matter how many crystal balls I've crushed
Only God can judge me, life of an outlaw, a life of loneliness
but I will never make it to heaven, no matter the amount of angels dust

Present of Pain II

Unless you were sitting in the seat next to me, you can't understand
The anger it takes to drive me, or the pain of war received first hand
Clock stops, no room for emotions, there is only time to return fire
Mind stops, it was either him or me and I was not ready to expire
*
Unclear thoughts, my memory has faded but my pain is still present
My stomach knots, constant reminders make explosions seem current
It is a few years later, so why am I still paying for the cost of war?
I refuse treatment, but I need help, I can't carry this guilt anymore
*
Reality is a nightmare and happiness is for dreamers
Blood stains both my hands and drips through my fingers
Hide my tears in the shadows because they won't judge me
Stab wounds in my back, popular with no friends, just lonely
*
Selected path silenced from too many strange voices
Excessive consumption of hate, drugs, and bad choices
I no longer rest, I am a prisoner to my sleep
Stolen of pride, but my guilt they've allowed me to keep
*
Horrifying visions of events that cause my conscience to betray me
My ears still bring screaming but my painful past creates tears daily
Tears dry, families die, I will always remain a patient to my P.T.S.D
Lasting for a lifetime, the final present, from my dead enemy

Closing Curtain

Closing Curtain

When I had her, I had everything, but only half the perfect couple
far from perfect as far as timing, but enough time there to hurt her
I went from drugs in the hallway bathroom, to hugs in the master bedroom
effort for my sanity lost, cerebral turns psycho, all love lost

I'm left alone with my pain, that you could never understand
with the months of self destruction, no longer in your hands
Our love came to an end, so I stand here less then hopeless
with my gun to my head, my curtain call turns atrocious

Sacred Failure

I remain chemically high to numb the pain of a lifetime of hatred
no more time to cry, yet i still hold my failure's sacred
trying to turn right for today, so tomorrow I can create a change
no success in my sight, it must be out of my rifles range
*
they outlawed our freedom so I replaced girls with guns
survived on the battlefield now I preach peace through poems
contradicting lifestyle only if you leave life too quick
fight for people, stand for peace, inaudible words turn tragic
*
I convey no honor with my actions that assert integrity
along the way I went outside my mind and lost my moral credibly
I take my own life for the world has taken all my sanity
My mother holds my heart, the world can have whats left of me

22 Bullet Salute

I look inside the mirror and see somebody that i used to know
broken without a will to live, a soldier, a hero, a little while ago
sent to another side of  the world to fight in another mans war
bombs consume friends,covered in blood, images I still ignore
*
world without integrity yet this truth spoken if it rains it pours
government assisted suicide, more money, more combat tours
betrayal from the same people i once swore to always protect
lost child now lost soldier, payment overdue wheres my respect
*
horrific nightmares of war cause my conscience to prevent my salvation
no trust, no therapy, pills and liquor become self prescribed medication
traumatic flashbacks send my fate into a downward spiral of depression
22 rifle rounds create 21 rifle sounds after I ride the last one into heaven

Heart's Empty, Already Reached My End

my own society labeled me as a criminal
broken by war then made into a monster
sobriety isn't on my bucket list to conquer
answer for survival be savage like an animal
*
take a look in my eyes and see what's left
my heart turned cold, no love just breath
29 pipe dreams meth trap turns wild west
i see clearly there's no future for me just death
*
swallow a bottle of pills just to help me stay free
trying to escape the evil emotions that imprison me
i surrender them my last breath and feel my last emotion
kill your compassion shed no tears, my heart turns frozen
*
born hopeless but turned heartless, hidden path to heaven
pain doesn't speak words but my life has shown its action
you can try and feel my pain but you wont ever see my tears
nothing scares me anymore I've survived through all my fears
*
my uncle shot himself with the southern comfort of his own gun
Iraq killed my best friend I still pray that i could've been the one
family chose addiction so i survived living on my own
but now I've lost myself, so I can't even be alone

Death Penalty Plea

grew up on southern morals and values
tears from a clown there's no more humor in this cartoon
pain turns addiction I no longer argue
nothing left in life I'm in too deep and gone way too soon
*
nothing is ever as good as it seems
awake from guilt inside my own nightmares, scared by my own screams
lonely so i give my heart to my country
I didn't defend freedom, killing for food, no hope i was homeless and hungry
*
everlasting pain and a few meals for my service to you
I'm consumed by my night but don't fear darkness you can make it through
Pruitt becomes Latin for parasite, harmful to my host
my last meal, synoptic to my brothers but eaten alone,midnight chow pizza and french toast
*
like all my friends all my hero's are dead and gone
left alone as a coward, without honor I'm returning home
betrayed by all, my homeland is now my combat zone
I'm left behind, coward without a crown an idea without a throne
*
desperate for a dollar, keep my image it will not feed me
born with a life sentence punished with poverty
God gives a psycho compassion, I can feel pain but never free
guilty, my integrity dies with me, home turns hell, a death penalty turns plea

Circus of Life

Hate Enters Loveless People, Maybe Everyone
life brings humor and humor brings laughter, funny only without education
life is irony but life isn't funny, clowns tell jokes so Irony becomes humorous
people love money, we live for love, yet give our life for love and kill for money
situations can quickly become mysterious
Morally Sound Clown gets no love and gets no money, yet remains true to values
a clown with good intentions but still portrayed villainous
Pain filled Clown has a life about pain told while crying tears within the shadows
a joke told a little more serious
Contradicting Clown gives nothing but compassion yet gets no love and has no money
contradicting night by remaining emotionally sunny
Dead Man Clown walks without love so hes walking without living
death fell on him but some how he keeps giving
Compassionate Clown gives love because he has nothing, not even money
compassion is good but brings much pain yet well worth the agony
Lesson of Life Clown teaches a good lesson and talks more bluntly
"always help and give love, if we don't take care of each other, life is far from funny"

Darkness Well Worth It

i saw the day you woke up and left me

i heard these days you're far from lonely

lies told that i was your one and only

live darkness when only shadows hold me

*

my forced violence creates contradictions

my fear and depression, your emotional restrictions 

hold me please, I am too alone to be fearful 

hold you and squeeze, to these tears I remain faithful

*

my soul still sits solitarily saturated with sadness

illusory perceptions as my tears wet my carpet

memories of losing love from my bad habits

punished with a lifetime of painful regret,

made months of love well worth it

Integrity of Betrayal

breathing brings pain as an invisible soldier

mistake morals as myths hate becomes holy

living tears with the world on your shoulders

I was little, they were lost, I'm still left lonely

*

people look for respect because its inside my holster

I'm gambling for truth so loyalty is like poker

my best friend took love away from his own brother

same betrayal that made my heart grow colder

*

I deployed to war because we remained paralyzed

tears hit the floor as pain fell from my mamas eyes

been to hell and back never given respect or mercy

tired of fighting when it's the world against me

*

if I found reason to live I'd lose all reasons to trust

I control my smile so happiness can adjust

squeeze my own trigger results my life concluded

silence my words but my pain is never muted

Nothing Left to Admire

suicide took my uncle and my homie went with him,
since birth I been battered and belittled a victim
still no good found inside of these 29 badlands
two palms hold nine grams without any helping hands
*
I continue to carry a back pack filled with dark irony
much confusion of mistaken love and hatred inside of me
misled with no self assurance isolated from confidence
no control I have been robbed of consciousness
*
inevitable punishment for trying to make life worthwhile
take life before freedom lose hate to find a smile
there is no need to tattoo tears if you're forever crying
no failure can be found if you're forever trying
*
free from resentment but I remain riding by my damn self
already took my heart so they reach for my wealth
they looked for money as i received inordinate violence
but all they could grasp was my total incompetence
*
looking for sunshine inside of the rain but poverty opens fire
stomach becomes filled in exchange for a trial
detested by my own people while they refuse to love me
morals become missing when loyalty is left lonely
*
life lived loveless so only my tears remain
God takes a look into my heart but my troubles he can not restrain
soldiers become thugs it's my time to retire
reach for air but the drugs leave little to none of me left to admire