Present of Pain II

Unless you were sitting in the seat next to me, you can't understand
The anger it takes to drive me, or the pain of war received first hand
Clock stops, no room for emotions, there is only time to return fire
Mind stops, it was either him or me and I was not ready to expire
*
Unclear thoughts, my memory has faded but my pain is still present
My stomach knots, constant reminders make explosions seem current
It is a few years later, so why am I still paying for the cost of war?
I refuse treatment, but I need help, I can't carry this guilt anymore
*
Reality is a nightmare and happiness is for dreamers
Blood stains both my hands and drips through my fingers
Hide my tears in the shadows because they won't judge me
Stab wounds in my back, popular with no friends, just lonely
*
Selected path silenced from too many strange voices
Excessive consumption of hate, drugs, and bad choices
I no longer rest, I am a prisoner to my sleep
Stolen of pride, but my guilt they've allowed me to keep
*
Horrifying visions of events that cause my conscience to betray me
My ears still bring screaming but my painful past creates tears daily
Tears dry, families die, I will always remain a patient to my P.T.S.D
Lasting for a lifetime, the final present, from my dead enemy