Mystery

I see images of that night over and over again
the way i imagined what things you did with him
it hurts my worst enemy is my own imagination
lead role in a whore movie no scenes only action
*
what help is love gonna do when all you know is pain
violence is the only thing associated with your name
i am so sick of being called a ticking time bomb
i just want to blow up and prove you all wrong
*
life's a contradiction just like our relationship was
I always listen to you but you swear no one does
what am i to you, besides your emotional zombie
same as you are to me just a question or mystery

Faceless

her eyes were far too pretty to cry these tears
smile so sufficiently innocent to face these fears
her prince charming had a rifle and army clothes
death and war see no face, just the way it goes
*
no one could understand the love she had for him
she shouted for help but no one hears her scream
they both made mistakes but they continued past them
he was going to be her other half to their perfect team
*
can't be denied heaven if an angel walks you there
country needed him to go but she wanted him here
she cried and pleaded for any chance to keep love
kept pictures but his touch she'd been deprived of
*
she feels her life slipping at the hands of Satan
strong but with him gone she begins to weaken
nothing can separate them when words live forever
love grows inside hearts, love keeps them together
*
hopeless, he fights for freedom and fights to make it back home
until a single bullet, takes another angel out of this combat zone
wrote a blank check to his country so they cashed it in his name
the cost of war was collected from a girl who never smiled again
********************************************************
war has no face if bullets have no brain, life leaves only empty photos
live for love as if, together its always sunny and apart it always snows
*********************************************************

Know Silence Know Surrender

never surrender any of your dreams despite the hand you are dealt
folks drunk or on meth broken home syndrome nothing is heartfelt
pipe dreams in the trailer park left families broken and nothing left
suicide by addiction you watch silently as they head toward death
*
everyone has their own story just deny fear thrown in your direction
people hold present plus past pain different, so don't judge addiction
Veteran Affairs try to fix anything with 60 minutes then a prescription
monkey sees but all a monkey can do is get himself a drug conviction
*
fear exploits violence within silent creativity if peace brightens clarity
people pleaded protection plus war yet couldn't handle the barbarity
matured by beatings with no retaliation, bleeding and bruised but still free
view us weak for P.T.S.D yet compassion creates guilt we are not crazy
*
compassion over currency with lack of perceptive reasoning from US history
dollars don't run the world excluding economy, deny money or deny equality
our colors don't run but we wear them blindly to live in a landfill of opportunity
war gave me pain and psychotherapy then injected dark problems inside of me
*
claim action without empathy self-interest turned to trend within society
respect earned with life given to charity or finding a solution to poverty
kids are starving give your life to compassion or sympathetically kill me
live righteously death held tears violently, refuse surrender or die silently

The Downfall to Things Lost in Time

search for love altered to gasping for air since you took my breath

still searching for something, repetitive regression reaches unrest

days spent pointing in the right direction and giving me a reason to breathe

love is blind and truth sets us free, love eerie when you're in it without me

* * * * *

looking for years, yet still so far away from what i need to find

sanity is just a theory, when you are already out of your mind 

survival in violence so combat inevitably becomes our only freedom

world war me or lonely in reality, concentration inside incarceration

* * * *

murdered better men then I have met so any gamble on life consider a lost bet

Iraq was wrong answer it made me a monster, Infantry the American gangster

no divorce from nightmares I'm depressed and distraught, pain alone is all i got

received hate I fought to be free defended this country yet no love left for me

* * *

standing at the mouth of hell's gate without you present and minus my smile

attending the trial of my future fate, all that is left, war guilt and criminal file

angels were around or I would've died in the components of that I.E.D attack

live life or walk dead, search through the sky but I can't bring you or him back,

* *

lost her and logic neither will miss me, overdose on pain add more to my suicidal history 

miserable morals met, so I paint painful portraits onto paper and portray them as poetry

drugs destroy silence yet don't determine my past as dirty,addiction creates controversy

wonder if it's sanity or you I'm missing, when I realize only these shadow creatures listen

*

summer sunny days remind me of all the good things lost in time,

rainy memories of cold dark nights I still called you mine

 my heart shatters like it's made of glass,

but my happiness is like you

 only in the past

Confined Chaos

men frequently speak heroically followed with actions perceived cowardly

pride comes before the fall swallowed perception of life happens inevitably

take me away death defeats disparity, pain nonexistent at least momentarily

life not fair but we are treated equally, freedom of speech embrace integrity

*

no where to run trapped inside of personal prison, no tears shown so sympathy not given

never feel safe yet perimeter is well protected, requiem resulted in a reality disconnected

not alone accompanied by mentality screaming, reminiscent hell yet hope beyond dreaming

success attempted but twined failure, capitulate eyes to close hopelessly absent of a savior

*

no honor present by persecuting others if we the people gave no permission

we are wrong to deny life to develop democracy, peace by political position 

social politics portray actions as if compassion is absurd without ammunition

discover personal development to reach an understanding without inquisition

*

If compassion kills, exceed a title of dangerous, become considered deadly

incur an ability,create confined chaos, beauty made visible in a world so ugly

self hatred shows no remorse, but project kindness to obtain positive distraction

leave hatred behind to find a new course before suicide turns crime of compassion

                                              

Left for Dead

Lonely reminiscing on old times, portray pictures of outlaw memories unlawful
Equalily relevant present reality complicates situation, be empty but sorrow full
From self improvement without optimism substituted by immoderate medication
To a product of environment manipulated by morals, survival seen in separation
*
Freedom irrevocably reached in America, no more stars and bars yet control is revoked and not ours
Ordained presidents, war over school, more money but less education, politically imprudent perception
Rendered services from the fallen, no more rent due to their country, rent to taxes books to battle axes
*
Destination dignity, decrepit and due for a dirt nap, never right, lost sight, every night disquietude
Enough bloodstains, credit for operation free Iraq, open eyes, deaf cries, enough lies, exactitude
Arise as rebels against evil tyrants, dramaturgy, brand name 9/11 war on insurgency let the bleeding begin
Determine history if good always win how do the good die young, no morals in the politics leading our men

Haunted History

vision valueless from disconsolate nights when eyes become futile
emotional collision,thoughts mutate,self control never more crucial
one choice to end life, amputate the sadness yet memories remain
history depicts future hurt, suicidal ambition and inability to abstain
*
heaven's so far away at arraignment yet so far from declination
lost words attentive actions no right nothing left last destination
screaming regrets for foreign fears performed anachronistically
mental loss and postwar problems denigrated here domestically
*
lost all my sun exchanged for rain, writing develops immortal
no grass on this side only pain, live life real nothing empirical
bullets move faster then emotions, no time here for empathy 
take life just as well take your own, undergo haunted history

Committed Iniquity

awoken to realize forgotten by friends living promiscuity 

always faithful yet you lacerated love and lacked loyalty

Beginning of time God created heaven earth and heartache 

casualty of love optimism obtained if lonely only by mistake

*

outside under refrigerant rain our memories warmed me inside dreams

needle hits skin like paper and pen truth exposed scandal die as fiends

loss teaches us not to trust yet love speeds up leaving logic in the dust

broken not beaten stumbled upright screaming for hope life is so unjust

*

dead man walking blind bordering the lines of realism and psychosis

atrocious violence from forced stab wounds followed by forgiveness

we alone determine mistakes soluble from protrusile tears cried for payment

in fixed iniquity determined dastardly from failed commitment and discontent

American Politics Dial 911

abstain from nationalistically induced intellect or produce misled pride

results revealed ideological road full of regret with a presidential guide

dismantling government depleting morals dare be god so planes collide

constitutional fraud pertains to politics fueled by hate but oversupplied

*

internal angels retrieved after political figure demons discarded 

contract concluded alone and angry thankfully villain converted

misled affairs are critical when life loved less then money heresy 

truth through pills then regenerate reality within psychotherapy

demand truth to degrade war, palpable peace paradoxes clarity 

Parlous Pardon

parlous path of life watch every step it could undertake your soul to conclusion
delirious mankind ashy reality awake new nightmares death toll desired allusion
love requires more exertion effortlessly solved if selfish human desires opposed
apathy needs renovation altruistically resolved hate vanquished war foreclosed
*
empathetic demon deserving death living chains persists confinement
God of mercy blind to war men forgiven yet suicide has no atonement
soldiers ambitious of peace mantled in war sleep reveals encumbrance
schizophrenic screams from souls we keep pardon without deliverance

Lonely Shadows

since that atrocious night I'm alone I see you but you're just a picture

lonely tears drop to my carpet between my self worth and my future

Please God give me back my brothers the war's over no one wins

keep my soul I've wasted this life to failure, unable to make amends

*

Life as the grim reaper so cursed I crucify everything I touch

just take my life or take me away this life became too much

I thought misery loves company but I am admonished by solitude 

animated life over excessive pain heart now victim of decrepitude

*

I can't keep a job barley stay stable even that attempt transparently pitiful 

no boundaries yet I remain faithful accolades a hero guilt of a war criminal

memories turn love into pain while I indefinitely hide my face within the society of shadows

indictment in reality but a tear follows, reunion in death life lost learning of the lonely gallows

Violence for Peace

poor kid who could only afford Walmart and two outfits for whole school year
can't put a price on the gold in his heart he defined golden boy but chaos exposed fear
*
all he ever wanted was to fit in and have a perfect family--
alcoholic father, drug addicted mother, the American tragedy
put yourself in his shoes then  you can feel his insanity --
parents always fight, people always lie, emotional casualty
*
terrorized by other kids feeling worse then scum he joined with the skinheads but couldnt turn into one
denied beliefs- resulted beaten example, chip on his shoulder that was all he could handle
bleeding from his pride and wars in the street defined champion where the palm trees and dirt roads meet
relief from chaos at home and bullying in school, throw fists to survive combat turns golden rule
*
new scene where fights turned problem, new school people loved talk and violence uncommon
caused one riot proceed with caution, he was like a star not burnt out more like fallen
went to hell and saw things he never imaged before, no denying his mental issues you reap what you sow
violent men see too much war to obtain peace, that's why the fighting in his head will never cease
*
life broken since birth understanding is impossible, unless death is dealt, pain is inevitable suffering is optional
the boy chose violence but peace is attainable, violence makes you known but love makes you invincible
lesson learned hard easily agreeable, I'm the proof people change and everything is achievable

Sleepy Words for Future

always following my heart to refuse actions oblivious
compassion makes me more-- hatred makes you less
go to sleep just to see what the future may hold
but all I see is an ice storm-- my future must be cold
*
waking up everyday just to go back to sleep
awoken in pain, a leader, within society of sheep
leading through action, no respect did I have for my words
my past knocked me back yet I continue moving forwards
*
good die young I must be running out of time
I reached for peace then I conquered sublime
diamond in the rough never expected to shine
keep your image and I'll keep my moral design 

Monster

"You can not change yesterday you must live with that sorrow, but you can change yourself to ensure a better tomorrow "

Dedicated to everyone who has been negatively affected from my past actions since returning from Iraq, I am truly sorry.

I am still trying to find out what was worse for them
Watching me drown or knowing they couldn't save me
I woke up in a mental hospital horrified for they weren't dreams,
Drugs faded guilt became reality but i can still hear her screams

*
I looked toward the future but only saw images from war past
Winning impossible while moving in reverse from first to last
My soul turned empty from violence i had forced you to take,
Angel turned tragedy from the evil every night you had to face
*
I wore a coat but it never took away my depressed winter
I tried to change the page anything to get to a new chapter
Full of astronomical anger drinking playing dangerous games,
While the only time you were safe was inside of picture frames
*
I was so crazy i made you feel my P.T.S.D,
Showed you the devil I'd locked inside of me
I needed you like a bullet needs gunpowder
It took a monster like me to hurt a flower

Crusader of the Cursed

Friends turn fiends now i am left surviving all alone
betrayal in reality between living nightmares I'm torn
I dreamt of our future while we were together in the past
now spending the rest of my future wishing we woulda last
*
they say we turn into everything we hate
reckon I'm going to burn with a horrible fate
i guess thats why I'm a woman beating, drug addicted, alcoholic
the cost of freedom and a military issued  semi automatic
*
empty eyes why I look at this man in the mirror
cries in the mind that's never free from the fear
judge no man unless you ready to be judged first
walk in my boots and feel what its like to be cursed

Promises of Pride

born a natural leader no more days will I follow
lead to kill men in war leaving life left, heart hollow
why do people ask about the trigger and if we used it?
blue eyes drip pain, no answer, deny guilt, never admit
*
America need now to wake them sleepy eyes
war stories requested but subtract your curiosity
WAR is our problem blood thirst we must despise
memories we hold, primitive questions add atrocity
*
lives become lies when tragedies become honesty
my eyes lose water yet my pain will forever be held
guilt within my soul restrained, serve morals to insanity
Promises of Pride, pain met success, proudly I failed