whole life ive been fucked up
thinking i could live without you
treating you like my worst enemy
clarity comes the only opposition is me
they said be sober and youll be happy
truth be told aint no happiness left for me
earned and killed for my respect
taxes created a killer, whatd you expect?
love me during war but after just neglect
traded my life for minimum wage check
with the idea i was sent to protect
my past paints a painful picture
taught by tragedy, agony is my architect
say a prayer for me say a prayer for me
actually dont waste your breathe on me
not like you ever made life fair for me
R.I.P to all the fucks I gave
just look at the monster you've made
no love for soldiers when wars over
self medicate, pains too real sober
3 bottles of pills, 5th of whiskey, half a 12 pack of beer
loaded pistol of PTSD, flag in hand my time is near
put my uniform on, cause today's my last day
perfectly painted my portrait of pain this way
every shot in my vein is another step
past the pain but that much closer to death
memories haunt me but they call it surviving
living or dying see me still stuck suffering
mistake's help mold you ,just don't let them define you
never leave anyone behind, love see's it through
the frustration is crippling the guilt will blind you
emotionally bleeding, a lonely rendezvous
all I know is hopeless, a feeling I'm used to
promised I'd never leave, but what does a coward do
turns his back on the best friend and love he ever knew
then he preaches about integrity,and staying true
but holds none, cause he turned his back on himself too
honor, integrity,respect everything he knew
all became lost, I lost it all... when I lost you
betrayal is a double edged sword
you can not betray someone
without betraying yourself too
never alone but i'm always lonely
crazy so i keep a firearm on me
guess you can blame war for what it done to me
wont get got by the same people that paid me
find out I don't play about my people
turn your block into Baghdad the sequel
more strength, more power, more support
but anytime there’s combat, that’s my home court
freedom is hopeless for those trapped in their mind
don't enter my head my monsters play unconfined
don't follow my foot prints I follow a path blind
suffer the sounds of screams within an unsound mind
my sadness turns into sounds of screaming so real
sometimes i sit alone trying not to feel
tragedy turns facts inside the theory of mind
only theory they taught was to kill our own kind
Woke up screaming, bitterly sad and alone.
Same emptiness and heartache, comfortably known.
Screaming from the fear or to break the silence?
15 years later... still haunted by same murders and violence.
Saved me but told everyone it was for yourself
heart broken but I wasn't worth your breath
ain't right the hand you was dealt
you may never know the way I felt
never understand the reasons I had to leave
a fucked up choice and I'll never forgive me
hate for you to have to leave your home
future paused to fight in a combat zone
surrounded by people but feel all alone
just to make it back for folks see your gone
hate for you to kick in that first door
flat line a family, run up the score
this is why you sent me here to war
to carry the sins you wont answer for
kept the future I had paused too long
every thought telling me I was wrong
168 hrs/week not wanting to live anymore
hate for you to reap these benefits of war
no friends living in the age of agony
lose your mind then lose ability to be free
while haunted by demons don't forget to see
the nightmares and screams are reality to me
thought she knew the facts and understood crazy
thought she seen the shots sent through the palm trees
thought she comprehended war stories from overseas
should've stopped thinking, thinking she was in love with me
one minute of a moment of monstrous clarity
did what was best for her and worst for me
obliterated her obligation and set her free
from loving a monster, a monster like me
long and lonely road been traveling on
heartbroken, you left and they didn't notice you're gone
lesson taught life's rough, but hard lesson to learn
can't go back, now it's just another picture to burn
today's teardrops write tomorrows suicide letter
emotionally struggle and fight to live, however
try to convince yourself death has to be better
truth to paper you can't deliver a dead letter
every time they leave you're all that's left
sad sentiment but honestly the truth is ugly
ignorance is bliss but still down and depressed
wondering once again, will anyone ever love me?
Never want to wake up like a good citizen.
Peacefully pass from an overdose of insulin.
Life and love teach heartbroken, never learn again.
Show a suicidal smile: “I’m okay,” I’ll pretend.
Drown in pills to level my emotions
Mind lost after 11 months of explosions
Missed miracles messed up on medications
Each minute alive exceeds my expectations
Look down at me and judge me how you will
You can’t last a minute feeling how I feel
Emotions whirlwind inside a traumatic brain
Why couldn’t we die for freedom? Why couldn’t I die the same?
Pick your pain, living with all these regrets
Should have loved me more and loved you less
Say a prayer for me before my heart forgets
My life sentence of post traumatic stress
Faith in you forced me to feel forgotten
Called me a coward we got that in common
Commissioned my crazy proceed with caution
Fail to forget I could've buried you in Parsons
Paint my problems onto paper pretend their poems
You slept with a stranger in our fucking home
Do you have a conscious? do you know right from wrong?
Painful life lessons, you didn't even notice I'm gone
Tell all my friends how much I love them.
left them with lies, so they miss my storm
Forgot who I am and where I came from.
Made me a monster, worthless and war-torn.
Tortured souls screaming inside my head,
That's why I can't sleep alone in my own bed.
Never learned love pushed my pain instead.
tears trickle thinking of all the things she said.
Mans greatest fear, becomes a failed family.
love looks like blood if she's not laying with me
Bullet paints my pain written in blood red..
Suicide speaks silence with the words I never said..