Diamond in the Rough

Only god can judge but we still stand a trial
They don't know love so they see hopeless and hostile
Mistaken path ensued to the bottom of every bottle
Consumed in regrets, a conscience is viewed awful  

Past portraits that present the present with pain
Lasting morbid cuts that sit beside a track marked vein
Through memorable words you learned love is not enough
Remembered as a bad guy wishing for a diamond in the rough

My Nightmirror

I stare at the man inside of the mirror,
The image turns me nauseous as the pain draws near.
Painful tears add up but I've survived another year.
Dodged a few bullets yet criminal cases far from clear.

Look into my past ignore the image of today,
My innocence as a child before war took it away.
Old friends now ops when they had nothing good to say,

Dark habit of clear shots until the reaper takes me away.

Burnt many bridges but I've survived troubled water.
My life is pain but that's what makes a man stronger.

Walking through hell looking over my own shoulder,
Trying not to pull the trigger before my nightmares over.

A Shot Short of Success

Wasn't a baby born to slaughter,
But his country had him kill.
Fought for freedom come hell or high water
Yet the people hated on him still.

Good grade's with an even more promising future,
Unselfish at 17, recruiter got him in as a junior.
Within a year he went from wrestler to trooper
Then deployed without humor,and turned into the shooter.

No credit given only stab wounds into his back,
War made a mental difference with a negative impact
Broken hearted without a future cause of one selfless act
Don't forget the cherry on top he was homeless after Iraq

A loser to shooter, a veteran turned user
From pulling a trigger to pulling a plunger
Bleeding for bread but still hungry after dinner
Shoot a syringe but still a shot short of a winner

                    

The Pain of Someday

Born into a world that gave me less then a good biography
So universally hated even I'm trying to off me
Gave so much for people haven't even taken care of myself
But I did max out my life insurance so my mama finds wealth

Been to hell but I carry on with no pride or achievement
Constantly strive for better cause dreams die within content
The more I want to give up the more I am forced to continue
No fear of my own death it's my mothers tears that are the issue

We can't change yesterday but we can always try for tomorrow
Reach for the sky even if failure is easier to follow
Negativity will subside but my words will become real
Bodies may die but pain is something we all must feel

Tragic Tradition

My moms friend set about to end my life I was only 13
There was far too many nuts amongst only 29 palm trees
Young life, drug house, addiction proved a lethal disease
13 years old, no tears wasn't gunna let no man take life from me

Despite all the bull shit I've tried to live optimistically
My girl thinks I'm deaf, blind and dumb, the truth hurts me sadly
Story of my life no ball and chain but heavy on tragedy
Realize reality, even a blind man could see her infidelity

Lost all my friends to war and drugs, life offers no guarantees
Now I'm knocking on heavens door while I'm locked out with no keys
Addiction ends life, took my whole family and it's about to take me
No direction, only tradition, so hang me from my family tree

Forget For

No opportunity, only cops knock at my door.

I don't drop names only bodies, my life is war.

Ignored and betrayed from peoples past pain that I currently pay for.

To earn to be homeless, if not broken, at minimal forgotten,

When war hit home, Don't forget who you cried out for.

Remember Me With The Fallen

Handwritten note that said I hurt her feelings
No apology I'll lose with or without the proceedings
All I know is pipes, pistols and pain
All that's remnant, my darkness is injecting into my vein

Close my eyes and try to remember what life is like
but pain impedes thoughts leaving me alone under moonlight
Used to be something like a hero but times changed
Now my value below zero, with feelings lonely and estranged

I almost remember what it's like to be loved
Even though my mind can't even fathom how to smile
Her laugh shows me heaven or something indicative of
But is quickly replaced by anxiety for my next trial

They say suicide is similar to selfish or cowardly
But pain is powerful and I don't get paid hourly
I know what its like to be a ghost, I live life forgotten
War converts life to trauma so bury me with my brothers
And remember me with the fallen

Lease a Life

Present nightmares paint me a dark reality.
Memories write my book drowning me within agony.
God hates me exposes a pathetic fallacy,
Still breathing with no love, so I see me as dead practically.

Suicide or sinister actions that killed me sadly,
Or maybe the moment I woke up an notice her unhappy.
I would kill anyone who stole her smile so I'll have to attack me.
Betrayed and remembered as a turncoat but time heals all tragedy.

I lost a life and a future since selling my soul to a syringe.
Stop while you're ahead but I have long since surpassed a binge.
Times running out so I'll wait for hell to answer for my sins.
Lease a life to a lost artist when one story ends another begins.

Alive and Ambitious

From Mama's nursery rhymes to selfish syringes,
Failure is failure even if winning was within inches.
Talent turns talk without success before life finishes,
Weakened but not beaten, still breathing, alive and ambitious.

Remembrance Within The Shadows

Handed no options but I chose to survive,

while all my peers only sat back and judged me.

Maintained some innocence through my mothers eyes,

since these hypocrites ain't ever seen hungry.

They observe me struggle, so they view me as less,

but I continue to overcome all opposition.

Poverty preached pain as I remembered my regrets,

within the shadows and darkness of the unforgiven.

Presents of Hell

The clock strikes twelve
All alone I sit and dwell
Set the pipe on the shelf
And enjoy my personal hell

Permeant problems in temporary places
Hear one mouth but I see two faces
One light, one dark, both racist
One man, one heart, multiple cases

Good intentions but failed promises
Broken home with no college kids
All addicts but different stages
Ask for help but no acknowledges

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Lost in a lifestyle viewed not far from losing

Maintain morals in a game already confusing 

Hustle or hungry my only type of way

Countless hours spent waiting to  see a brighter day

God won't save me so I take no time to pray 

He sent me an angel but the drugs stole her away

Call me criminal don't matter anyway

Heart holds no guilt I just can't  see any other way

So just lay me down I've lost by a landslide 

Life ain't always beautiful but its a beautiful ride

Still American

When I was young life was so wonderful 

To hell and back yet I still feel short of respectable

Criminal charges replace any future seen successful 

Im wearing a warrant so my freedom I feel is doubtful 

Stand me in front of the judge but I did no wrong

Made my own choices but I did no others harm

Where are the benefits of this so called freedom

I fought in the war but have yet to see them

Army of Two

Time wasted away as reality passed me by

My body aches while in my mind I wait to die

You can no longer see tears fall from a dead mans eyes 

My heart has no disguise you give me death when you give me lies

Her broken features taught from crystal creatures

Dated a Dope dealer but more of Pyrex Preacher 

Two lovers lost in life manipulated by outside evil

You will see no nirvana just Kurt and Courtney the sequel 

She might love me but she says I did her wrong

 It's hard to stay strong as an addict lost and lovelorn

Though my watch hands tick my sense of time is withdrawn

I want to escape but I fear I'm already gone 

She preaches a good sermon but I see no changes

Her words spoken as a lover but acts like we distant strangers

Though we may both be guilty she's forever my partner

And as long as she with me I know ain't no one can top her

We are viewed nothing too short of dysfunctional 

Maybe Share some addictions and overly emotional 

Our love maybe twisted and easy to misconstrue 

But together it's ride or die within an army of two

Razor Blade Roses

Broken glass sitting scattered by the night light 

Another day absent a dollar with another useless fight

Blood trickles down my arm from the bruised injection site

Con-fluently her tears run down to her lips fixed on the pipe

So many lies I question if I know who she is anymore

My hearts still shattered much like a pizzo when it hits the floor

I'm so strung out I cant determine whats real now or before

All I know is hell and the painful emotions that I still can't ignore

It's a razor blade romance when she plays games with my emotions

Though I remained faithful, her eyes saw no devotions

I love her to Pluto and back I'd swim across oceans 

Fiction, fairy tale, or fate? love realizes no restrictions 

Serene

A shower of lonely tears fall from an addict
Self evaluation but stuck on one question
What have I become then lost in a life left imperfect
Yearning to love but fulfilling actions that contradict

Shooting venom into my own veins
All visions of happiness look deranged
Am I a stranger if I appear strange,
or just a victim of the way things change

Alone surrounded by people some refer to as fiends
I did you wrong in a world of broken crowns and lost kings
I'd give my life to rewind and change almost everything
but I'm a needle too late just lower my casket into sorrow, so serene

I'll Sleep Without It

Picture me with a pipe in hand just poor and paranoid
Abstaining from the law while hungry hurts so does unemployed
Dirty dancing with the devil left lives lost and people destroyed
We trip on life, to find a fit, to fill a feeling of void

Fate paints a portrait of life's irony as torn and tragic
Scholar to soldier while a criminal sinks into an addict
Told my mama it'll be OK but in my heart I really doubt it
Lost integrity to save her tears I guess I'll just sleep without it

War Is Tragic, Soldier Turns Addict

Sleep sings me no song it only shares a black rose

Nightmares overcome dreams where it rains it pours,

My attempt to inject a cure turned out to be a virus, 

As I try to stay alive or at least open my eyelids 

Suicide would suit me but I leave my life up for fate,

Needled for my last breath would be merely a mistake

War in Iraq to addiction, both colored my life tragic

I'm back at war but with addiction, soldier no more, just another addict.

Memory of Matter

Misery left in red ink for the murder she wrote,

because its my miserable heart left behind and broke.

Rain inside my head brings a teardrop from my eye,

Remembering her parting words, please don't let us die.

She might forget me but I will never forget her,

Or the lessons of love that exposed me as an amateur.

Mistakes don't make a man its the decisions thereafter,

so I'm going back to college to clean up my selfish disaster.

Memories make me smile but don't make time go any faster,

I'll use this time to change so the perfect life is mine to capture.

I'll keep her close like the front wheels of a big green tractor,

on a farm in Tennessee, keeping true to what really matters.

Hero turned Villain

Broken hearted it's my time to get out of here
Stuck in a trap but I won't last another year
Took my benefits cause government don't love me
left alone fighting hopeless, but at least deaths free

Label me insane but I hold good intentions
No love but I refrain from heartless decisions 
Traumatic flashbacks from past OIF missions
I write cause when a soldier speaks pain no one listens

Death is all that's around me their horrible visions
Escape with drugs cause I've tried all their prescriptions
Don't picture me now just remember me back then
And remember the story, of how a hero turned villain

Fate Blacksout

Left me lonely thinking they knew what I was bout
Tears fall on my lap as the needle draws out
I push in a plunger for another brownout
I wish for change but I'm injected with doubt

Was part of a family but they must have forgot
But I still remember all the lessons they taught
Even though I must sell drugs with no chance or way back
I smile knowing I was a hero in Iraq

They left me with medals and the spoils of war
Lonely without breath this soldiers on the floor
Pain and addiction, no options at my door
Saw success within my reach but not anymore

Keep it Moving

Entered this world to survive through violence
Love may kill but suicide shoots through silence
There so much pain hidden behind a smile
Wise words that retrieve me from actions seen hostile

Drugs nullify the nightmares but carry pain
Pray for sunshine but we get drenched in the rain
Lift your own head up and keep it moving
Learn from loss, no perfection just improvement

Prince of Poverty

From poetry to Pyrex I'm forever hopeless

lost in a lifestyle with less love and fake forgiveness

I'm from a place of visible poverty and the palm tree

You don't need to forgive just don't forget bout me

Remember I'm the little boy who grew to a soldier

Young and hungry but a criminal now that I'm older

Had my chances but reality killed my dreams

Left me the prince of poverty in a kingdom of fiends

Lost Minutes, Lost Perfection

Maybe I might have missed a miracle
Crimson criminal can't continue without a chemical
Heart held good intentions within all situations
Failure, yet existing exceeds my own expectations

Never held the hope of a promising tomorrow
But I burden the weight from yesterday's sorrow
All innocents was stolen when I was a child
Embezzled by evil, I tried to pedal but never filed

A needle paints my pain perfectly, dark and cloudy
Pistol injects a portrait of addiction, sudden and deadly
Fighting to survive without anytime to breathe
Has me questioning God, if I will ever be free

Truth be Told

If compassion kills, exceed a title of dangerous,

incur an ability to create confined chaos.

Paint visible beauty in a world so ugly,

 until the art of love becomes considered deadly.

 Self hatred saves nor shows any remorse, 

but project kindness to obtain positive distraction.

 Leave hatred behind to find a new course,

 before suicide turns crime of compassion.

 No honor present by persecuting others, 

 you will not appear within a finer vision.

 Discover personal development to work as lovers.

 Reach for understanding with logic and reason.

 Lives are lost when lovers lips tell lies 

Look inside of human hearts and begin to realize.

 Though it may appear that only a broken heart dies,

 Truth be told when love is lost, no one survives.

Rest In Freedom

Refuse to live a life controlled by another mans morals
Free of control but not free of emotional hurdles
Touch the trigger as bullet brings blood, anxiety rises as a body drops
Left Haunted by traumatic nightmares before the bleeding stops

I would rather rest in piece then decay in jail
Only god can judge me so fuck a jury of twelve
No tears when a bullet takes me out of this hell
No more hope, one empty gun and one empty shell

Short On Sanity

Stuck sitting short of success stopped by my own sabotage
A past some determine distinguished decays to a depressed montage
Victory holds no accolades when blood stains your conscious intellect
Explosions ended but the echos enter new nightmares never knowing neglect

Mangled memoirs describe you as bipolar while doctors disguise you with a post traumatic disorder
Essentially elementary solution, self prescribed suicide signed by a
51ck 50ldier

Troubled Treblinka

Content to be called the hope for the hopeless

Attempted to save face but just turned out to be faceless

Tried to be a voice but always resorted back to violence

Seems the anger inside was all that was noticed

 

Emotionally Bruised and beyond battered or beaten

Though I wished for death Ive only received depletion

Effort exposed as expired so I lay dead for a while

Can't hold on any longer I cant even hold on to a smile

 

Treblinka exterminated all the love I've ever known  

Treblinka torches angel wings until they tumble down

Sadistic thoughts consume my regrets as I'm racing for revenge

Dreams without love seem ignorant, so I'm climbing to decend

What's Left If Nothing's Right

Serve my fate within a dark dish of death

Profound recipe of pain plus poverty, peppered by crystals of meth

Preach optimism and integrate integrity

Lessons so sadly forgotten like the happiness that's no longer with me

A Tennessee teardrop leaves a lonely bloodstain then takes my last breath

As suicidal sadness sings a short song:

“Nothing is left right and nothing right is left"