Lost Chance, Last History

I tried to blame them for stealing my memories
but it was my own pain that concealed my blessings
pessimistic outlook while I was walking among angels
king of rebels without a crown, heart bleeding through my knuckles
*
there's nothing I wouldn't do for just for one more chance
dreams to go back in time and enjoy that last dance
my past represented from present scars repellent at first glance
impossible to advance, all I know is pain and past romance
*
It has been a while since I have felt anything
that's the only plus side, my post war problems bring
born with a smile stored it next to faith, just as a memory
concrete past turns black or white, as love is lost to history

Remedy for Guilt

My guilt sick memory reminds me of the pain i deserve
from destroying angels to war crimes as a military reserve
emotional Alaska nothings bright when you see no sun
i miss the times with her but I don't miss the beatings i put on
*
search to absolve for lives taken while my own mind is lost
guilt cuts into my arm but there's no remedy for feeling unstable
since that horrific moment every night I turn and toss
paid to fight for greed cause freedom is free when governments are disabled
*
I can't see me with a future but they say my vision's fine
all I feel is dark and grey but the VA wont rate me as color blind
there's no more blue sky above me but I am under some stress
this country took everything from me until i had nothing left
*
2 rounds chambered, one fires into his skull, the other into mine
both my enemies dead, I killed two strangers, don't call it suicide

homeMADe poISON

So young and innocent yet mature and fragmented
no vision of future, darkness kept her blinded
she could have been anything with a little guidance
parents not present, solace sought in substance
*
no hope because we can't bring back our yesterdays
picture peace, in a life absent of armies
sleepless war pain sticks like a mask onto her face
coins outweigh compassion, with morals misplaced
*
searching for sunshine but it's concealed from the rain
forfeit a lifeline, its hidden by pain
incompetent decisions to reach survival
test the truth, heal the heart, forever faithful
*
Remnants of our past mistakes cloud our future
don't let them see tears, when our eyes gain moisture
hear her story then you have met a real soldier
beautiful, heart of gold, a fearless warrior

She Still Haunts Me

No more promises, the truth cannot be found here
Much like you, who made her choice to disappear
If you didn't need others for your sick vanity
I'd have the steering wheel to my sobriety
*
If leaving me was your version of compassion
You should check both, the compass and direction
Back from war with only problems to show for it
You left me broken hearted, to loss I submit
*
Pretend nothings wrong, you smile like you're happy
I was dying inside, gunshot, now you lost me
My heart in your hands, is it the ending you wanted
Like thoughts from the streets of war, that I'm still haunted

Trauma turns Tragedy (no place for me)

Born into poverty, baptized in beer, grasping a losing hand
addiction destroys a family, they taught pain, and now I understand
infantile memories when mama sold her soul to the dope man
29 crystals created 29 caskets gone without a promised land
souls become lost inside of the hell famous for the Joshua tree
I was far too hopeless, way too young, thinking this ain't no place for me...
*
from high school to just high, I've never changed, still angry, young and poor
respect, god and freedom, all lost concepts that I can't accept anymore
Iraq tattooed me with death, holding a pill bottle and gun, my pains implied
mentally mangled from physical murder, they shot at us first, I just replied
dried in the earth are tears I've cried to pay the cost to be free
pain consuming my mind in a country of war, this ain't no place for me
*
unable to pretend to predict the trauma of post war problems
angry flashbacks with no sleep, I become a prisoner to my symptoms
surrounded with my pain but I'm always alone, soldiers turn victim
no pride, just troubles, I reached for help but I have been failed by the system
dead bodies to battered angels, I won't accept any mercy
I hate the monster that I see in the mirror, this ain't no place for me
*
overdosed on the chaos and rage that's internally imprisoned
from the pain of poverty to a lonely heart, still no one listened
A hungry man turns criminal mind with a moral direction
empathetic heart burned cold from day of enlistment to separation
perceive that home is for heroes then respect turns me lonely
enjoy your star spangled land of the free, turncoats, so it ain't no place for me
*
escaped the desert ghetto, made it out a Nazi work party
never been rich but I have tasted what life is like outside of poverty
punk paying dues then covering the cost of freedom with the army
I ran with devils, shared love with angels both brought an idea of beauty
hero to villain, only my mama love's an outlaw like me
call it whatever you want, heaven or earth, this still ain't no place for me