Holy Homicide

Only sustain memories cause all my friends died,

shot bullets then drugs both label a bad guy.

Strain to hold back tears but  pain has arrived.

Since the good die young, I’ve managed to survive.

I should suicide myself and leave on my own terms.

But I never did like the way a razor blade burns.

Soldiers die lonely don’t mistake pain with pride,  

Point the needle in my arm and inject my holy homicide.

Comfortably Numb

Reminiscing on the past has me wishing for a restart.

Tweaking tales of a lost love that separated a man apart.

The dos and dont's of a twisted street life that broke a home,

To a family so selfish and drugged up they left a soldier all alone.

Left behind so compassion is a word I no longer comprehend,

Cursed with a blessing but I betrayed myself like a needle full of heroine.

No stress when the needle touches skin, just a thought that I'll never do this again,

I've become comfortably numb or maybe I'm just comfortable, injecting my poison.

Posed to Shoot Love

Fuck the world it broke my heart but people posed to love,
sanity slipping while crystals sparkle, poisoning my blood.
Cried a couple tattoo tears life taught more then enough.
Everyday is full of pain but I dream a day that I'm free of.

Few if any glory days when you grown out the gutter,
mother and fathers addictions taught me how to struggle.
No time for feelings, emotions make weakness visible,
Live by the moment becomes victory in the eyes of a criminal.

Search for sunshine but rewarded with struggles,
strangled by stress and suffocated by troubles.
They stole my freedom even if you see no bars.
I point my pistol towards noon and shoot my mind into the stars.

Diamond in the Rough

Only god can judge but we still stand a trial
They don't know love so they see hopeless and hostile
Mistaken path ensued to the bottom of every bottle
Consumed in regrets, a conscience is viewed awful  

Past portraits that present the present with pain
Lasting morbid cuts that sit beside a track marked vein
Through memorable words you learned love is not enough
Remembered as a bad guy wishing for a diamond in the rough

My Nightmirror

I stare at the man inside of the mirror,
The image turns me nauseous as the pain draws near.
Painful tears add up but I've survived another year.
Dodged a few bullets yet criminal cases far from clear.

Look into my past ignore the image of today,
My innocence as a child before war took it away.
Old friends now ops when they had nothing good to say,

Dark habit of clear shots until the reaper takes me away.

Burnt many bridges but I've survived troubled water.
My life is pain but that's what makes a man stronger.

Walking through hell looking over my own shoulder,
Trying not to pull the trigger before my nightmares over.

A Shot Short of Success

Wasn't a baby born to slaughter,
But his country had him kill.
Fought for freedom come hell or high water
Yet the people hated on him still.

Good grade's with an even more promising future,
Unselfish at 17, recruiter got him in as a junior.
Within a year he went from wrestler to trooper
Then deployed without humor,and turned into the shooter.

No credit given only stab wounds into his back,
War made a mental difference with a negative impact
Broken hearted without a future cause of one selfless act
Don't forget the cherry on top he was homeless after Iraq

A loser to shooter, a veteran turned user
From pulling a trigger to pulling a plunger
Bleeding for bread but still hungry after dinner
Shoot a syringe but still a shot short of a winner

                    

The Pain of Someday

Born into a world that gave me less then a good biography
So universally hated even I'm trying to off me
Gave so much for people haven't even taken care of myself
But I did max out my life insurance so my mama finds wealth

Been to hell but I carry on with no pride or achievement
Constantly strive for better cause dreams die within content
The more I want to give up the more I am forced to continue
No fear of my own death it's my mothers tears that are the issue

We can't change yesterday but we can always try for tomorrow
Reach for the sky even if failure is easier to follow
Negativity will subside but my words will become real
Bodies may die but pain is something we all must feel

Tragic Tradition

My moms friend set about to end my life I was only 13
There was far too many nuts amongst only 29 palm trees
Young life, drug house, addiction proved a lethal disease
13 years old, no tears wasn't gunna let no man take life from me

Despite all the bull shit I've tried to live optimistically
My girl thinks I'm deaf, blind and dumb, the truth hurts me sadly
Story of my life no ball and chain but heavy on tragedy
Realize reality, even a blind man could see her infidelity

Lost all my friends to war and drugs, life offers no guarantees
Now I'm knocking on heavens door while I'm locked out with no keys
Addiction ends life, took my whole family and it's about to take me
No direction, only tradition, so hang me from my family tree

Forget For

No opportunity, only cops knock at my door.

I don't drop names only bodies, my life is war.

Ignored and betrayed from peoples past pain that I currently pay for.

To earn to be homeless, if not broken, at minimal forgotten,

When war hit home, Don't forget who you cried out for.

Remember Me With The Fallen

Handwritten note that said I hurt her feelings
No apology I'll lose with or without the proceedings
All I know is pipes, pistols and pain
All that's remnant, my darkness is injecting into my vein

Close my eyes and try to remember what life is like
but pain impedes thoughts leaving me alone under moonlight
Used to be something like a hero but times changed
Now my value below zero, with feelings lonely and estranged

I almost remember what it's like to be loved
Even though my mind can't even fathom how to smile
Her laugh shows me heaven or something indicative of
But is quickly replaced by anxiety for my next trial

They say suicide is similar to selfish or cowardly
But pain is powerful and I don't get paid hourly
I know what its like to be a ghost, I live life forgotten
War converts life to trauma so bury me with my brothers
And remember me with the fallen