insist my sanity gone I become progressively unstable,
resist nationality, war zone lonely and freedom forever fatal
no more fears, I hear screaming from those men despite reality postwar
no more tears, I hear God laughing at my pain P.T.S.D lasting evermore
*
no one in this world to trust when you're unable to trust yourself
drowning found favorable to adjust after conforming to loneliness
hyper-vigilance, forever paranoid ensured survival never letting my guard down
abandonment, forsaken by friends alone inside the darkness where death is found
*
excessive execution presumed by guilt, punishment for crimes committed postnatal
compassion performed positives built, survival an idea at times thought inconceivable
death was necessary for my body to make it home, mind's a mercenary stuck in that combat zone
Death before Dishonor respect spent wishing, words I lived by with only Death Before missing
Poetry Perspective
These are just my personal reasons or views on the material I wrote.
Stanza 1 I explain an increase in decreasing stability, which was an attempted contradiction to "time heals all wounds." i wanted it to come off as being too late to contain or fix the issue, and like most things in life if you can't fix the issue or contain it it will usually worsen. Line two i was trying to paint a picture of the loss experienced in war and how when fighting for anything the inevetable outcome is always fatal. the other 2 lines were simply about PTSD and how war is over for most but anyone who was there, memories of horror get kept with us.
Stanza 2 First 2 lines i project from my own past situations where I've done things i didn't mean to do just from reactions or the anger inside that is near impossible to contain when first coming home and remains a struggle even years later. Line 2 was kinda trying to show that once you accept something it loses a lot of its power over you so i brought a negative like drowning and said it can be be good but after you accept it. the 2nd half i try to expand on the first part of the line but double meaning as with whatever problem i have no matter who is around i feel empty and alone. When someone doesn't understand you then they might as well not be there because you're still emotionally alone. Line 3 was trying to show that PTSD because one of the things is hyper vigilance, it isn't always negative it keeps me alive and protected.Line 4 progresses the point of the end of line 2, like even though the people care about you you still feel abandoned because they weren't there and they honestly don't understand.
Stanza 3 I used the words excessive execution presumed by guilt, i did this because if you have seen the way anyone handles ptsd and how much guilt they feel it is and extravagant amount of emotion to deal with let alone a negative emotion so wanted to show that its overkill in guilt. Also using presumed because one of the definitions i found say "without permission, or accept truth without verification or proof" and i liked it being used here because people like rape victims have nothing to be guilty for but they have guilt even though in no way are they responsible. line 2 i was saying how even though today i am different and have started helping others, over the years there's times you dont think you can make it.line 3 just pointing out how things had to happen to ensure survival and that just because you are not physically present somewhere doesn't mean you are "all there."
Line 4 is for my tattoo on my chest death before dishonor the way I've always attempted to live thanks to teachings from family but mostly from my uncle post humorously. But at times i feel war guilt.
Just an explanation i know poetry is however you want to take it but people ask questions and I like being understood.
resist nationality, war zone lonely and freedom forever fatal
no more fears, I hear screaming from those men despite reality postwar
no more tears, I hear God laughing at my pain P.T.S.D lasting evermore
*
no one in this world to trust when you're unable to trust yourself
drowning found favorable to adjust after conforming to loneliness
hyper-vigilance, forever paranoid ensured survival never letting my guard down
abandonment, forsaken by friends alone inside the darkness where death is found
*
excessive execution presumed by guilt, punishment for crimes committed postnatal
compassion performed positives built, survival an idea at times thought inconceivable
death was necessary for my body to make it home, mind's a mercenary stuck in that combat zone
Death before Dishonor respect spent wishing, words I lived by with only Death Before missing
Poetry Perspective
These are just my personal reasons or views on the material I wrote.
Stanza 1 I explain an increase in decreasing stability, which was an attempted contradiction to "time heals all wounds." i wanted it to come off as being too late to contain or fix the issue, and like most things in life if you can't fix the issue or contain it it will usually worsen. Line two i was trying to paint a picture of the loss experienced in war and how when fighting for anything the inevetable outcome is always fatal. the other 2 lines were simply about PTSD and how war is over for most but anyone who was there, memories of horror get kept with us.
Stanza 2 First 2 lines i project from my own past situations where I've done things i didn't mean to do just from reactions or the anger inside that is near impossible to contain when first coming home and remains a struggle even years later. Line 2 was kinda trying to show that once you accept something it loses a lot of its power over you so i brought a negative like drowning and said it can be be good but after you accept it. the 2nd half i try to expand on the first part of the line but double meaning as with whatever problem i have no matter who is around i feel empty and alone. When someone doesn't understand you then they might as well not be there because you're still emotionally alone. Line 3 was trying to show that PTSD because one of the things is hyper vigilance, it isn't always negative it keeps me alive and protected.Line 4 progresses the point of the end of line 2, like even though the people care about you you still feel abandoned because they weren't there and they honestly don't understand.
Stanza 3 I used the words excessive execution presumed by guilt, i did this because if you have seen the way anyone handles ptsd and how much guilt they feel it is and extravagant amount of emotion to deal with let alone a negative emotion so wanted to show that its overkill in guilt. Also using presumed because one of the definitions i found say "without permission, or accept truth without verification or proof" and i liked it being used here because people like rape victims have nothing to be guilty for but they have guilt even though in no way are they responsible. line 2 i was saying how even though today i am different and have started helping others, over the years there's times you dont think you can make it.line 3 just pointing out how things had to happen to ensure survival and that just because you are not physically present somewhere doesn't mean you are "all there."
Line 4 is for my tattoo on my chest death before dishonor the way I've always attempted to live thanks to teachings from family but mostly from my uncle post humorously. But at times i feel war guilt.
Just an explanation i know poetry is however you want to take it but people ask questions and I like being understood.
