living in your head gets you down and disturbed
wish things went different still searching the right words
Can't justify violence never hit a girl
but you aborted true love before she seen the world
damaged people taught from trauma play wicked games
empty minus the sadness I shoot into my veins
you buried my heart with my baby in the ground
can't hold happiness I can't hold an ultrasound
charge my own country with treason
broke my heart and tied my noose without reason
guess my usage reached completion
trained too well to ever see life as a civilian
all I'm asking is one day of peace
a few minutes of comfort and safety
one night where my nightmares cease
and to feel like no one is trying to kill me
answered your war call without hesitation
come home and taught the pain of incarceration
their post war plan predisposed us to failure
soldiers suicide exposes government as a traitor
whole life ive been fucked up
thinking i could live without you
treating you like my worst enemy
clarity comes the only opposition is me
they said be sober and youll be happy
truth be told aint no happiness left for me
earned and killed for my respect
taxes created a killer, whatd you expect?
love me during war but after just neglect
traded my life for minimum wage check
with the idea i was sent to protect
my past paints a painful picture
taught by tragedy, agony is my architect
say a prayer for me say a prayer for me
actually dont waste your breathe on me
not like you ever made life fair for me
R.I.P to all the fucks I gave
just look at the monster you've made
no love for soldiers when wars over
self medicate, pains too real sober
3 bottles of pills, 5th of whiskey, half a 12 pack of beer
loaded pistol of PTSD, flag in hand my time is near
put my uniform on, cause today's my last day
perfectly painted my portrait of pain this way
every shot in my vein is another step
past the pain but that much closer to death
memories haunt me but they call it surviving
living or dying see me still stuck suffering
mistake's help mold you ,just don't let them define you
never leave anyone behind, love see's it through
the frustration is crippling the guilt will blind you
emotionally bleeding, a lonely rendezvous
all I know is hopeless, a feeling I'm used to
promised I'd never leave, but what does a coward do
turns his back on the best friend and love he ever knew
then he preaches about integrity,and staying true
but holds none, cause he turned his back on himself too
honor, integrity,respect everything he knew
all became lost, I lost it all... when I lost you
betrayal is a double edged sword
you can not betray someone
without betraying yourself too
never alone but i'm always lonely
crazy so i keep a firearm on me
guess you can blame war for what it done to me
wont get got by the same people that paid me
find out I don't play about my people
turn your block into Baghdad the sequel
more strength, more power, more support
but anytime there’s combat, that’s my home court
freedom is hopeless for those trapped in their mind
don't enter my head my monsters play unconfined
don't follow my foot prints I follow a path blind
suffer the sounds of screams within an unsound mind
my sadness turns into sounds of screaming so real
sometimes i sit alone trying not to feel
tragedy turns facts inside the theory of mind
only theory they taught was to kill our own kind
Woke up screaming, bitterly sad and alone.
Same emptiness and heartache, comfortably known.
Screaming from the fear or to break the silence?
15 years later... still haunted by same murders and violence.