Rest In Freedom

Refuse to live a life controlled by another mans morals
Free of control but not free of emotional hurdles
Touch the trigger as bullet brings blood, anxiety rises as a body drops
Left Haunted by traumatic nightmares before the bleeding stops

I would rather rest in piece then decay in jail
Only god can judge me so fuck a jury of twelve
No tears when a bullet takes me out of this hell
No more hope, one empty gun and one empty shell

Short On Sanity

Stuck sitting short of success stopped by my own sabotage
A past some determine distinguished decays to a depressed montage
Victory holds no accolades when blood stains your conscious intellect
Explosions ended but the echos enter new nightmares never knowing neglect

Mangled memoirs describe you as bipolar while doctors disguise you with a post traumatic disorder
Essentially elementary solution, self prescribed suicide signed by a
51ck 50ldier

Troubled Treblinka

Content to be called the hope for the hopeless

Attempted to save face but just turned out to be faceless

Tried to be a voice but always resorted back to violence

Seems the anger inside was all that was noticed

 

Emotionally Bruised and beyond battered or beaten

Though I wished for death Ive only received depletion

Effort exposed as expired so I lay dead for a while

Can't hold on any longer I cant even hold on to a smile

 

Treblinka exterminated all the love I've ever known  

Treblinka torches angel wings until they tumble down

Sadistic thoughts consume my regrets as I'm racing for revenge

Dreams without love seem ignorant, so I'm climbing to decend

What's Left If Nothing's Right

Serve my fate within a dark dish of death

Profound recipe of pain plus poverty, peppered by crystals of meth

Preach optimism and integrate integrity

Lessons so sadly forgotten like the happiness that's no longer with me

A Tennessee teardrop leaves a lonely bloodstain then takes my last breath

As suicidal sadness sings a short song:

“Nothing is left right and nothing right is left"

Sound of Suicide

If a man holds a riddle for hope but help could not be found

Is he hopeless from being helpless or lost with problems that compound

No one listens to a tree but still it falls in the forrest outside of town

Don't forget people are different because we can save others about to drown

Sadness seeks suicide if no one hears the hopeless death only takes one round

Love and listen before a tear turns silent, the time to help is now

It's never too late unless you can answer the question....

                          does suicide make a sound?

Tears as Loud as Silence

Parental lessons of addiction and poverty were taught through actions 

Fate dealt a bad hand and I pull the short straw omitting most options

Though I hold guilt for all of my sins I regret no past romances

I hold more pain even if my tears didn't fall during the last interactions

For this last year I attempt to recall the details or any events

But all that's remembered is pain both presently and past tense

I wonder if he felt this alone and cold that fateful December

Tears expose problems to see past pain, so my agenda exposes an end to forever

How is depression only in my head if my stomachs sick and energies down

I guess I'm the king of pain covered in regrets and condemned with the crown

Many different woman found me for sex but none of them would stay around

Cry for help and beg for mercy while tears as loud as silence crash into the ground

Prison in Hell

They called me a hero way back then
But I won't ever hear that mistake made again
Life's cloudy when they're expected to arraign
Tear drop's rain lonely to rust my pinned medals of pain

From hero to outlaw, to a hero that never came home
From pride to prejudice, to betrayed and alone
Death must come when your half the man you used to be
Felt no freedom trapped in a small cell
I guess in death I will be free
When they transfer me to my prison in hell

Heavy Hearted Hell Hidden at Home

You can dream of forever but everything must end
I guess we all don't grow up out of playing pretend
Turn my life into a math problem depressed anger times sum
It all adds up to be the product of your freedom
*
I reflect my anger to cover my pain Much like a jacket does during the rain
No therapy exists to resolve my many issues
I can cry a million tears but I'd only waste tissues
*
Pain persists as long as I'm cursed with life
Broken hearted and lonely I chase various highs
Dreams of empathy while I'm lost in a glass pipe
Miss misery loves company but two wrongs won't make right
*
I wish you were at least half as crazy as me
So the depths of hell you would also see
You can try to hide from the demons under you're bed
But theres no way to escape the monsters inside of your head

December 8

Success was found with a gunshot to his head
With the Southern Comfort of his Bible with him on his bed
Every winter without you turns me more cold
I failed my future so i'm just growing up to grow old
No need for a jacket it won't warm a heart
No need for love my emotions have been ripped apart
Broken and reckless lost without a clue
I told you I'd be lost if I ever lost you
I miss you Keith A Vantine Death before Dishonor 'til the end 8 Dec 2006

Questions From a Sui-stranger

Asked someone to hand me some hope
Drugs distort reality so they smiled as I was handed dope
The war inside of my head leaves nothing left as right
I fight to survive but the crazy part is its me I must fight
Why do I exhaust all effort to survive
When I spend most days wishing to die
To say I'm lost wouldn't even cover part of it
Suicidal wouldn't even define the level of insanity I fit
Depressed can't define my horrific visions or vivid dreams shaded beyond dark
Suffering and wounded but I pray for death, to war and back but from life I disembark