Last Will and Testament

Lost all hope after losing what you wanted to find

Disoriented by depression while drugs decay your mind

Are you lonely inside or dancing ‘til you die?

sabotage your success and make yourself a victim in your own crime

Tears tear from your eyes as your heart beats out your chest

Anguish and agony the only emotions you possess

Interchange a cry for help with a syringe full of meth

Both leave you feeling alone and distraught, pleading for death

Life taught a lesson but a lesson learned late

Why does everyone I love respond back with hate?

The sickness is growing quickly inside of me again

So self preservation is progressing towards an end.

Pain never painted me the picture of love right.

To be honest I never even had a dog in that fight.

Lost whatever bit of hope or happiness the day I left.

Next smile I give is when I take my last breath.

End of War

They say a soldier served his country well

Given medals and accolades as self pride fell 

Cut the fat to bare bones Infantry's job, KILL!

History haunt's from nightmares to emotions we feel

The world is so fake reality does not look real

resentment builds up while everyone "knows how we feel"

Did you trade your future for failure, books for boots?

So understand our valor is not for you to steal

lose sensitivity or don't survive in the sandbox

no time for tears when rounds hit the truck like rocks  

We were ready to die for you would you die for us?

War trauma recognized here state side with no plus

See war til we die as you laugh at our craziness

suicide has never seemed so serene or unjust

escape outside our minds these monsters are dangerous

victory is found from those that learn to adjust

Adapt and overcome, if you can hold on longer

put your pistol down, or back into your holster

fold the flag for his family, tell them the war is over

or at least finally over for this 51ck 50ldier 

"Only the dead have seen the end of war"

Daddys Dysfunctional

Paisley baby, daddy's a little dysfunctional,
but I love you and your mommy unconditional.
Bloody hands from my past protects me from perfect.
Moved mountains, swam oceans, it was all more than worth it.
From a soldier sadly shooting toward suicide,
to a madman motivated never leaving mom's side.
Too many cold nights we held each other and cried,
so I promised your mommy a place before I died.
Hell and high water daddy always kept his word,
at least to your mother or I'd do the best I could.
Unfortunately daddy wasn't always good.
Daddy's heart was right but his actions misunderstood.
I know it seems simple baby but people stick to what they know.
Daddy stuck to his guns but my guns were too slow.
Grandma and grandpa ain't bad just the only example that I had,
See Paisley baby drugs are bad for everyone, even mom and dad.
I think about you nightly, I know your mom does too,
Mommy makes me proud and I know you're proud too.
Daddy's been feeling down for a minute cause of the life he fell into.
But you see Paisley I told Mommy I'd be lost if I lost you.
But I need help because I can't handle losing mommy,
Fuck------  :'(
Daddy still can't handle losing you ...

Childish Concepts

last night's experiment forms a future bad habit
fault turns flaw until failure is automatic
disown and distance yourself  ignoring the problem
too busy with work to play parent or guide them


no longer claim a child all you see is an addict
you just don't understand how bad these kids have it
'til times up and it turns out these times are tragic
started as a proud parent now plagued with regret


picture perfect people but forgot the treatment plan
epidemic turns traumatic, still don't understand?
less drugs more parents, what concept don't you get?
look in the casket, another addict or your kid?

Lost from War

My mind is gone, no funeral just forgotten.

Soldier seen insignificant suicidal too often.

Homeless and broke, don't waste time or a coffin.

Bury me with my brothers who've already fallen,

from war in Iraq or the war with black cotton

Holy Homicide

Only sustain memories cause all my friends died,

shot bullets then drugs both label a bad guy.

Strain to hold back tears but  pain has arrived.

Since the good die young, I’ve managed to survive.

I should suicide myself and leave on my own terms.

But I never did like the way a razor blade burns.

Soldiers die lonely don’t mistake pain with pride,  

Point the needle in my arm and inject my holy homicide.

Comfortably Numb

Reminiscing on the past has me wishing for a restart.

Tweaking tales of a lost love that separated a man apart.

The dos and dont's of a twisted street life that broke a home,

To a family so selfish and drugged up they left a soldier all alone.

Left behind so compassion is a word I no longer comprehend,

Cursed with a blessing but I betrayed myself like a needle full of heroine.

No stress when the needle touches skin, just a thought that I'll never do this again,

I've become comfortably numb or maybe I'm just comfortable, injecting my poison.

Posed to Shoot Love

Fuck the world it broke my heart but people posed to love,
sanity slipping while crystals sparkle, poisoning my blood.
Cried a couple tattoo tears life taught more then enough.
Everyday is full of pain but I dream a day that I'm free of.

Few if any glory days when you grown out the gutter,
mother and fathers addictions taught me how to struggle.
No time for feelings, emotions make weakness visible,
Live by the moment becomes victory in the eyes of a criminal.

Search for sunshine but rewarded with struggles,
strangled by stress and suffocated by troubles.
They stole my freedom even if you see no bars.
I point my pistol towards noon and shoot my mind into the stars.

Diamond in the Rough

Only god can judge but we still stand a trial
They don't know love so they see hopeless and hostile
Mistaken path ensued to the bottom of every bottle
Consumed in regrets, a conscience is viewed awful  

Past portraits that present the present with pain
Lasting morbid cuts that sit beside a track marked vein
Through memorable words you learned love is not enough
Remembered as a bad guy wishing for a diamond in the rough

My Nightmirror

I stare at the man inside of the mirror,
The image turns me nauseous as the pain draws near.
Painful tears add up but I've survived another year.
Dodged a few bullets yet criminal cases far from clear.

Look into my past ignore the image of today,
My innocence as a child before war took it away.
Old friends now ops when they had nothing good to say,

Dark habit of clear shots until the reaper takes me away.

Burnt many bridges but I've survived troubled water.
My life is pain but that's what makes a man stronger.

Walking through hell looking over my own shoulder,
Trying not to pull the trigger before my nightmares over.