freedom is hopeless for those trapped in their mind
don't enter my head my monsters play unconfined
don't follow my foot prints I follow a path blind
suffer the sounds of screams within an unsound mind
my sadness turns into sounds of screaming so real
sometimes i sit alone trying not to feel
tragedy turns facts inside the theory of mind
only theory they taught was to kill our own kind
Woke up screaming, bitterly sad and alone.
Same emptiness and heartache, comfortably known.
Screaming from the fear or to break the silence?
15 years later... still haunted by same murders and violence.
Saved me but told everyone it was for yourself
heart broken but I wasn't worth your breath
ain't right the hand you was dealt
you may never know the way I felt
never understand the reasons I had to leave
a fucked up choice and I'll never forgive me
hate for you to have to leave your home
future paused to fight in a combat zone
surrounded by people but feel all alone
just to make it back for folks see your gone
hate for you to kick in that first door
flat line a family, run up the score
this is why you sent me here to war
to carry the sins you wont answer for
kept the future I had paused too long
every thought telling me I was wrong
168 hrs/week not wanting to live anymore
hate for you to reap these benefits of war
no friends living in the age of agony
lose your mind then lose ability to be free
while haunted by demons don't forget to see
the nightmares and screams are reality to me
thought she knew the facts and understood crazy
thought she seen the shots sent through the palm trees
thought she comprehended war stories from overseas
should've stopped thinking, thinking she was in love with me
one minute of a moment of monstrous clarity
did what was best for her and worst for me
obliterated her obligation and set her free
from loving a monster, a monster like me
long and lonely road been traveling on
heartbroken, you left and they didn't notice you're gone
lesson taught life's rough, but hard lesson to learn
can't go back, now it's just another picture to burn
today's teardrops write tomorrows suicide letter
emotionally struggle and fight to live, however
try to convince yourself death has to be better
truth to paper you can't deliver a dead letter
every time they leave you're all that's left
sad sentiment but honestly the truth is ugly
ignorance is bliss but still down and depressed
wondering once again, will anyone ever love me?
Never want to wake up like a good citizen.
Peacefully pass from an overdose of insulin.
Life and love teach heartbroken, never learn again.
Show a suicidal smile: “I’m okay,” I’ll pretend.
Drown in pills to level my emotions
Mind lost after 11 months of explosions
Missed miracles messed up on medications
Each minute alive exceeds my expectations
Look down at me and judge me how you will
You can’t last a minute feeling how I feel
Emotions whirlwind inside a traumatic brain
Why couldn’t we die for freedom? Why couldn’t I die the same?
Pick your pain, living with all these regrets
Should have loved me more and loved you less
Say a prayer for me before my heart forgets
My life sentence of post traumatic stress
Faith in you forced me to feel forgotten
Called me a coward we got that in common
Commissioned my crazy proceed with caution
Fail to forget I could've buried you in Parsons
Paint my problems onto paper pretend their poems
You slept with a stranger in our fucking home
Do you have a conscious? do you know right from wrong?
Painful life lessons, you didn't even notice I'm gone
Tell all my friends how much I love them.
left them with lies, so they miss my storm
Forgot who I am and where I came from.
Made me a monster, worthless and war-torn.
Tortured souls screaming inside my head,
That's why I can't sleep alone in my own bed.
Never learned love pushed my pain instead.
tears trickle thinking of all the things she said.
Mans greatest fear, becomes a failed family.
love looks like blood if she's not laying with me
Bullet paints my pain written in blood red..
Suicide speaks silence with the words I never said..
Lost all hope after losing what you wanted to find
Disoriented by depression while drugs decay your mind
Are you lonely inside or dancing ‘til you die?
sabotage your success and make yourself a victim in your own crime
Tears tear from your eyes as your heart beats out your chest
Anguish and agony the only emotions you possess
Interchange a cry for help with a syringe full of meth
Both leave you feeling alone and distraught, pleading for death
Life taught a lesson but a lesson learned late
Why does everyone I love respond back with hate?
The sickness is growing quickly inside of me again
So self preservation is progressing towards an end.
Pain never painted me the picture of love right.
To be honest I never even had a dog in that fight.
Lost whatever bit of hope or happiness the day I left.
Next smile I give is when I take my last breath.