Missing a Monster but the Monster is Me

 no friends living in the age of agony

lose your mind then lose ability to be free

while haunted by demons don't forget to see

the nightmares and screams are reality to me

thought she knew the facts and understood crazy

thought she seen the shots sent through the palm trees

thought she comprehended war stories from overseas

should've stopped thinking, thinking she was in love with me

one minute of a moment of monstrous clarity 

did what was best for her and worst for me

obliterated her obligation and set her free

from loving a monster, a monster like me

Mind's Wondering Down The Same Path Again

 long and lonely road been traveling on

heartbroken, you left and they didn't notice you're gone

lesson taught life's rough, but hard lesson to learn

can't go back, now it's just another picture to burn

today's teardrops write tomorrows suicide letter

emotionally struggle and fight to live, however

try to convince yourself death has to be better

truth to paper you can't deliver a dead letter

every time they leave you're all that's left

sad sentiment but honestly the truth is ugly

ignorance is bliss but still down and depressed

wondering once again, will anyone ever love me?

Suicidal Smile

Never want to wake up like a good citizen.

Peacefully pass from an overdose of insulin.

Life and love teach heartbroken, never learn again.

Show a suicidal smile: “I’m okay,” I’ll pretend.

Drown in pills to level my emotions

Mind lost after 11 months of explosions

Missed miracles messed up on medications

Each minute alive exceeds my expectations

Look down at me and judge me how you will

You can’t last a minute feeling how I feel

Emotions whirlwind inside a traumatic brain

Why couldn’t  we die for freedom? Why couldn’t I die the same?

J.ustify E.very S.uicidal S.ymbol I.n C.ase A.lone

Pick your pain, living with all these regrets

Should have loved me more and loved you less

Say a prayer for me before my heart forgets

My life sentence of post traumatic stress

Faith in you forced me to feel forgotten

Called me a coward we got that in common 

Commissioned my crazy proceed with caution

Fail to forget I could've buried you in Parsons

Paint my problems onto paper pretend their poems

You slept with a stranger in our fucking home

Do you have a conscious?  do you know right from wrong?

Painful life lessons, you didn't even notice I'm gone

Left Them With Lies

 Tell all my friends how much I love them.

left them with lies, so they miss my storm

Forgot who I am and where I came from.

Made me a monster, worthless and war-torn.

Tortured souls screaming inside my head,

That's why I can't sleep alone in my own bed.

Never learned love pushed my pain instead.

tears trickle thinking of all the things she said.

Mans greatest fear, becomes a failed family.

love looks like blood if she's not laying with me

Bullet paints my pain written in blood red..

Suicide speaks silence with the words I never said..

Last Will and Testament

Lost all hope after losing what you wanted to find

Disoriented by depression while drugs decay your mind

Are you lonely inside or dancing ‘til you die?

sabotage your success and make yourself a victim in your own crime

Tears tear from your eyes as your heart beats out your chest

Anguish and agony the only emotions you possess

Interchange a cry for help with a syringe full of meth

Both leave you feeling alone and distraught, pleading for death

Life taught a lesson but a lesson learned late

Why does everyone I love respond back with hate?

The sickness is growing quickly inside of me again

So self preservation is progressing towards an end.

Pain never painted me the picture of love right.

To be honest I never even had a dog in that fight.

Lost whatever bit of hope or happiness the day I left.

Next smile I give is when I take my last breath.

End of War

They say a soldier served his country well

Given medals and accolades as self pride fell 

Cut the fat to bare bones Infantry's job, KILL!

History haunt's from nightmares to emotions we feel

The world is so fake reality does not look real

resentment builds up while everyone "knows how we feel"

Did you trade your future for failure, books for boots?

So understand our valor is not for you to steal

lose sensitivity or don't survive in the sandbox

no time for tears when rounds hit the truck like rocks  

We were ready to die for you would you die for us?

War trauma recognized here state side with no plus

See war til we die as you laugh at our craziness

suicide has never seemed so serene or unjust

escape outside our minds these monsters are dangerous

victory is found from those that learn to adjust

Adapt and overcome, if you can hold on longer

put your pistol down, or back into your holster

fold the flag for his family, tell them the war is over

or at least finally over for this 51ck 50ldier 

"Only the dead have seen the end of war"

Daddys Dysfunctional

Paisley baby, daddy's a little dysfunctional,
but I love you and your mommy unconditional.
Bloody hands from my past protects me from perfect.
Moved mountains, swam oceans, it was all more than worth it.
From a soldier sadly shooting toward suicide,
to a madman motivated never leaving mom's side.
Too many cold nights we held each other and cried,
so I promised your mommy a place before I died.
Hell and high water daddy always kept his word,
at least to your mother or I'd do the best I could.
Unfortunately daddy wasn't always good.
Daddy's heart was right but his actions misunderstood.
I know it seems simple baby but people stick to what they know.
Daddy stuck to his guns but my guns were too slow.
Grandma and grandpa ain't bad just the only example that I had,
See Paisley baby drugs are bad for everyone, even mom and dad.
I think about you nightly, I know your mom does too,
Mommy makes me proud and I know you're proud too.
Daddy's been feeling down for a minute cause of the life he fell into.
But you see Paisley I told Mommy I'd be lost if I lost you.
But I need help because I can't handle losing mommy,
Fuck------  :'(
Daddy still can't handle losing you ...

Childish Concepts

last night's experiment forms a future bad habit
fault turns flaw until failure is automatic
disown and distance yourself  ignoring the problem
too busy with work to play parent or guide them


no longer claim a child all you see is an addict
you just don't understand how bad these kids have it
'til times up and it turns out these times are tragic
started as a proud parent now plagued with regret


picture perfect people but forgot the treatment plan
epidemic turns traumatic, still don't understand?
less drugs more parents, what concept don't you get?
look in the casket, another addict or your kid?

Lost from War

My mind is gone, no funeral just forgotten.

Soldier seen insignificant suicidal too often.

Homeless and broke, don't waste time or a coffin.

Bury me with my brothers who've already fallen,

from war in Iraq or the war with black cotton